Beating Your Porn "Addiction"

Written by: Jonah

There is one fact which porn "addicts" don't seem to be aware of. Pornography is not addicting. The amount of time addicts and non-addicts spend watching porn is more or less the same. People who watch more porn don't necessarily identify as addicts and people who watch less porn don't necessarily feel like non-addicts.

Generally speaking, people who watch larger amounts of pornography tend to have larger libidos. That's why they watch more porn. It's not that porn increases your libido, but rather that your libido makes you watch porn.

While 10-12% of all people feel like they might watch too much porn, only a tiny fraction of that number actually watch excessive amounts. The key difference is how guilty you feel about the porn you watch. If you watch porn and feel bad about it, you are more likely to self identify as an addict.

The average American consumes 5 hours of television per day, but isn't considered an addict. The reason people accuse users who watch hours worth of pornography as addicts is because they are scared of human sexuality.

This isn't just some crazy belief we have, it comes from the mouth of Dr. David J. Ley, a world-renowned clinical psychologist who focuses on modern sexuality. He recently did an hour long video on sex cam use and anxiety for Stripchat and the Sexual Health Alliance. If you have the time, we highly recommend watching it.

Dr. David Ley

Dr. Ley has been published in newspapers such as The New York Times, The Washington Post, and the LA times, as well as magazines like Playboy and Hustler. He's even written several books of his own. You might have seen him on TV with Anderson Cooper or even Dr. Phil. Dr. David Ley, isn't some random schmuck. He's a fully accredited researcher with years of experience in the field.

Dr. David Ley's philosophy is simple. It's not that you need to cut porn completely out or at all. Instead, you should be focusing on doing things which lower your anxiety and feelings of guilt you feel about pornography. That will enable you to cut down on your porn consumption and prevent you from feeling as bad about what you are doing.

    As per his most recent paper, Am iCheating? there are several types of people who are more likely to feel guilty -

    • Religious people
    • Married individuals
    • Individuals raised to feel masturbation is immoral
    • Singles who aren't dating, aren't having partnered sex, and who masturbate infrequently
    • Users for whom sex chat rooms form most of their daily interactions

    Basically, the people who feel most guilty are those who were raised to believe that masturbation is immoral or wrong. If your whole life you were raised to believe that touching your dick makes you a sinner, you are going to feel somewhat like a sinner when you grab your dick.

    If you are married and watching large amounts of porn, you might feel guilty about it, especially if your wife is unaware of your habits.

    If you are single and doing nothing but jacking off, of course you are going to feel somewhat guilty as everyone keeps telling you you should be outside trying to get a girlfriend instead.

    So how do you overcome the guilt?

    • Don't go cold turkey
    • Do other things which make you feel good
    • Be open with you significant other
    • Involve your significant other

    If you are using sex cams, you are probably using them as a means of providing you with joy. Watching porn means you feel good, which is why you keep coming back for more.

    That's why you can't stop abruptly. Taking away your fun time won't make you want to jack off any less, as the size of your libido will remain the same. Eventually, when you succumb to your nature and do jack it, you are going to feel guilty, both because you believe masturbation to be wrong and because you were unable to stop yourself. Your inability to just outright stop will only make you feel worse about the situation and will result in a vicious cycle where you feel more and more guilty about your porn consumption.

    The real trick, isn't to take pornography away. The trick is to find other things which make you feel as good as pornography and to start doing them more. Going to the gym, working on your own projects, and even video gaming can all be things which make you feel happy without the need for pornography.

    Instead of cutting porno out completely, you need to learn to balance the pornography better so that it isn't the only thing you look forward to in the day.

    Rather than fixing your porn addiction, there are probably other aspects of your life which you should be improving upon. Start working out and focusing on yourself. If you are healthy and view yourself that way, you aren't going to feel as weird for your masturbatory habits.

    If you are married or in a serious relationship, it is highly recommended that you talk to your partner about the porn and sex cams you watch. It can be a great way of alleviating the anxiety/guilt you feel. You can talk to your partner to make them understand what you are doing and hopefully even involve them in the process so they join you in the chat room. In the ideal relationship, you would both watch sex cams together, forming an even stronger bong between the two of you.

    So how do you go about that?

    Talk to her about sexuality first, including what her sexual fantasies are, whether she feels sexually fulfilled, and what you can do to help her live out her fantasies. After she has finished telling you about her fantasies, tell her about yours, and invite her to sex cams so that you can both explore the fantasies you have. If you are super lucky, you will have the same fantasies, which will probably result in you getting the type of sex you want, thereby lowering your porn consumption.

    You should know -

    For a healthy prostate, it is recommended that you ejaculate at least 21 times a month. Doing a NoFap challenge does nothing but increase your likelihood of prostate cancer.

    Porn doesn't cause erectile dysfunction. Your anxiety does. The reason you can perform when watching porn, but not with a woman, is because you are scared of not being able to please her. That isn't the case with porn. When jacking off to porn, that's it, you're done and you can close the window, but there is no off button for women. Feeling like you might not be able to satisfy her can result in a positive feedback loop which continues to reinforce you in the wrong direction.

    The best way to get rid of a boner is to worry about your boner. What you need is confidence.

    Research has proven that porn does not have addictive consequences on the brain. Neuroscientists Nicole Prause and Vaughn Steele did EEG tests which showed that the brains of users who identify as porn addicts don't react to the stimulant in the same way that addicts of other things do. When cocaine users see images of cocaine-related pictures, their brains light up on an EEG, in the regions of the brain associated with addiction. No such change occurs for users who identify as porn addicts while watching porn.

    Generally all of the anti-mastubatory and anti-porn sites you will find online are run and funded by religious organizations. FocusOnTheFamily for example straight up lists their mission as "To cooperate with the holy spirit in sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ". There is nothing wrong with loving Jesus, but you shouldn't be using him to push your agenda.

    One of the only anti-porn sites that you can find that isn't run by a religious organization is FightTheNewDrug.org. While it isn't religious, it clearly has it's own agenda. We read some of the research papers they quoted in their articles and they really don't provide you the user with all the information. For example, the site quotes the article Does Viewing Pornography Reduces Marital Quality Over Times? Evidence from Longitudinal Data by Samuel L. Perry.

    If you were to trust FightTheNewDrug you would believe that married people who watched pornography frequently reported significantly lower levels of martial quality. But, what you wouldn't know, is that the same study found that wives who viewed pornography more frequently reported higher marital quality than those who viewed it less frequently or at all. This all falls back to involving your significant other in your mastubatory habits. If you can get your wife to join you, you will both be happier.

    You will find that these sites like to refer to Dr. Jason Carroll, a marriage and family studies professor from Utah who believes that the biggest threats to modern marriage as "pornography, delayed age at marriage, materialism, premarital sexuality, and non-marital childbirth." It's kind of surprising that he didn't list the LGBT community, but if look at his recent publications, such as "How Same-Sex Marriage Will Further Declining Birthrates in the United States" you'll realize he's pretty opposed to that too. It all falls back to a man trying to push his religious beliefs onto others.

    If you look at all the anti-porn sites which are networked on FightTheNewDrug, you may realize that several of the sites were created by just one individual, a man by the name of Clay Olsen. Considering that all of his sites are trying to push a paid subscription to you to help you overcome your addiction... well, it's obvious why he'd want to help you. There's even an article on Medium magazine that literally labels Olsen's porn rehab program "Insidious Pseudoscience That Preys On Youth".

    We have actually spoken with Mr. Olsen and can say that he seems like a nice person. While we don't necessarily agree with his views, the community he has built can be very useful in giving you a support framework. If you truly feel like you are at your wit's end, you should consider trying what he has to offer. At worst, you can cancel.

    All the anti-porn sites ignore one critical study conducted in Canada. It found that 90% of people who identified as porn addicts did not identify as porn addicts the following year. This is without any form of clinical help or treatment. In most cases, the desire to consume porn is cause by other factors, rather than addiction. You can think of it as a transient phase, rather than a permanent one.

    Conclusion

    Porn addiction as you've been taught is not real. The brain doesn't form the same relationship with pornography as it does with drugs.

    Porn doesn't trigger the addiction centers of your brain, which has been proved by EEG testing.

    If you want to cut down on porn that is fine, but you need to understand that your feelings of addiction aren't because you are addicted to porn. In most cases, you feel addicted due to the societal pressures which have been placed on you, telling you that porn=bad.

    To cut down on the amount of pornography you watch, it is recommended that you start incorporating other fun and fulfilling activities into your life, rather than just going cold turkey. Don't say I'm not going to jack off at all this week, but rather you will work on yourself for one or two days this week, instead of on your dick. By doing things which bring you joy and pride, you can quickly remove your feelings of shame.

    Even if you don't do anything about your porn habits and continue to watch in exactly the same manner, it is highly likely that you will watch the same amount of porn, but not think of yourself as an addict a year from now.

    If you really feel like you need additional help, we recommend contacting Dr. David Ley to inquire about a consultation.

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